Lately I’ve been thinking more and more about weight loss. I think this began when I stumbled upon a new post on a blog I used to read. (Victorious Eating, Thinking and Weightloss) The young woman had set out to lose 100 lbs in a year. She ended up losing way more than that (even though it took her 4 yrs) and she regained control of her life and her relationship with food.
Just so you understand where I’m coming from, I grew up very thin (‘rail thin’ is how my momma referred to it). I was the child of an obese mother who also used to be ‘rail thin’. When I was married at 23, I weighed in a whopping 125 lbs. Twenty years and 2 babies later, I am almost 100 lbs heavier weighing in at 219 lbs.
Sometime I don’t feel ‘that fat’ and sometimes I am mortified at my current size.. I’d be lying if I didn’t confess that it affects most every area of my life. My work life, my home life, my sex life, etc. There are things I can’t wear, things I can’t do, etc. I feel the effects on my body,. My knees ache and sometimes my back does too. Going up and down the stairs is a chore some days. I can’t run and play with my puppy like I should because I might fall and hurt myself. Lately my body just feels...heavy.
I have an unhealthy relationship with food, of that I am sure. On some level I am lucky because some members of my family have full blown, life altering eating disorders. I have disordered eating, but not to the point of anorexia or bulemia….I just like to eat...a lot. When I am (fill in the blank), food makes me feel better. It could be mad, sad, happy, glad, depressed, anxious, etc. It gives me joy that I don’t always find in other parts of my life.
Which brings me to my current thought process….
I wonder if, my less than happy marriage is what sends me running to food for comfort?
Mind you, I’m not necessarily blaming the marriage
