Weight Loss On My Mind

Lately I’ve been thinking more and more about weight loss.  I  think this began when I stumbled upon a new post on a blog I used to read. (Victorious Eating, Thinking and Weightloss)  The young woman had set out to lose 100 lbs in a year.  She ended up losing way more than that (even though it took her 4 yrs) and she regained control of her life and her relationship with food.  

Just so you understand where I’m coming from, I grew up very thin (‘rail thin’ is how my momma referred to it). I was the child of an obese mother who also used to be ‘rail thin’.  When I was married at 23, I weighed in a whopping 125 lbs. Twenty years and 2 babies later, I am almost 100 lbs heavier weighing in at 219 lbs.

Sometime I don’t feel ‘that fat’ and sometimes I am mortified at my current size.. I’d be lying if I didn’t confess that it affects most every area of my life.  My work life, my home life, my sex life, etc.  There are things I can’t wear, things I can’t do, etc.  I feel the effects on my body,.  My knees ache and sometimes my back does too.  Going up and down the stairs is a chore some days.  I can’t run and play with my puppy like I should because I might fall and hurt myself. Lately my body just feels...heavy.

I have an unhealthy relationship with food, of that I am sure.  On some level I am lucky because some members of my family have full blown, life altering eating disorders.  I have disordered eating, but not to the point of anorexia or bulemia….I just like to eat...a lot. When I am (fill in the blank), food makes me feel better.  It could be mad, sad, happy, glad, depressed, anxious, etc.  It gives me joy that I don’t always find in other parts of my life.

Which brings me to my current thought process….

I wonder if, my less than happy marriage is what sends me running to food for comfort?

Mind you, I’m not necessarily blaming the marriage
for my situation, because I know it’s choices I make that have landed me where I am.  I’m just thinking, from a psychological standpoint, that maybe the unhappiness and the weight are related.  The mind is a super powerful thing and sometimes it can cause problems you never, ever thought of.

I know how to lose weight.  For the most part, I understand nutrition, counting calories, low carb vs low fat, etc. etc, etc.  I also know if the problem is emotional, I might have to work a lot harder to conquer that before I can make any real, lasting progress.

Like I said, weight loss is on my mind. I’m not really ready to make a commitment and set goals but I’m trying to get my mind right.

Thank you nameless girl at Project365th.blogspot.com .  You have inspired me. and you’ve shown me it can be done.  Your transformation was amazing and you look beautiful.  Now I have to find my path and embark on my journey. I hope you all follow along with me.